My First Go at Steering a Narrowboat! And Thwarting Scammers

Every so often, I receive emails by someone pretending to be a high-flying agent so bowled over by my apparent genius that they're falling over themselves to promote my books. In the initial email, no fee is ever mentioned; this would come later, once they'd hooked an unsuspecting mark with their polished patter. Well, have a chuckle over this latest one, which referenced Black Magick: 13 Tales of Darkness, Horror and the Occult in the email's subject line:-

Dear Adele,

I hope you’re having a productive week.

My name is XXX, and I represent XXX XXX  XXX. We specialize in spotlighting exceptional literary works and the visionaries behind them, providing a platform where meaningful storytelling meets an engaged, global audience.

I recently came across your book, and I was particularly impressed by the depth of your narrative and the clear intentionality behind your message. It is rare to find work that resonates so effectively beyond the page, a quality that aligns perfectly with the high-caliber content our listeners value.

We are currently curating an exclusive “Literary Spotlight” series, a limited feature dedicated to a select group of authors whose work offers both substance and cultural relevance. We have identified your book as a strong candidate for this series. If featured, your work would be highlighted in a professionally produced segment designed to amplify your voice and connect you with a dedicated community of over 8,000 active readers.

This is a highly intentional selection process, and I believe your work would be a standout addition to our upcoming broadcast schedule.

If you are open to exploring this opportunity, please let me know. I would be happy to send over the formal details and discuss how we can best showcase your book.

ote the wor

Their interest in my work was so great that they hadn't noticed Black Magick is not my book as such, but an anthology edited by Raven Digitalis to which I contributed one short story. There are plenty of other short stories by other writers contained within it. Notice how the email says nothing to indicate that they've actually read my story or the anthology. Of course not! Why bother with such 'minor' details when you're busy trying to deceive a person into falling for a sales pitch.

Also, what on earth does "ote the wor" mean?

Rest assured, this kind of email is a sales pitch. They're selling a dream. They wouldn't care if I, or any other potential mark, wrote the world's worst drivel. All they want is for their target to soak up flattery and fall for the promise of being promoted to publishing's Important People - all in return for a fee, (or six or seven fees), to cover their expenses. 

What will they really do for a writer? Nothing - other than snaffle your money, then vanish.

Earlier this month, I had the pleasure of cruising along part of the Shropshire Union Canal with the Wirral Canal Boat Trust, a charity which owns two narrowboats. They run boating trips for community groups, special needs groups and vulnerable people. I went in the company of some residents from the care home where I work part-time as an Activity Co-ordinator. The narrowboats are fully accessible for wheelchair users, with in-built lifts.

The video at the start of this post shares some of the peaceful countryside we sailed through. There are plenty of moored narrowboats for you to enjoy looking at, too.

But one of the highlights of the trip, for me, was being able to have a go at steering. Now, I've not steered a thing for years, contrary supermaket trollies being the exception. I never learned to drive. I've not been on a bicycle for over 25 years. However, the brave skipper of the Pot Of Gold was perfectly happy for me to have a go at steering the narrowboat.

In case you don't know, the tiller, when assembled, looks like a pole with a bend in it. You hold the horizontal bit, and the vertical bit goes down into the water. Somewhere below the water's surface is a flat paddly thing. When you move the pole (tiller), the flat paddly thing moves too, and this either keeps the boat going in a straight line or directs it to one side or the other. 

It sounds simple. It is not simple.

Well, it possibly is if you've been doing this for umpteen years; our skipper had 30 years experience. And he wasn't far away, so if need had arisen he could have easily taken hold of the tiller to avert disaster. However, this was not required - though our minibus driver had a go before me, and promptly sent the boat careering into the bank. Naturally, he got an appreciative cheer from us lot relaxing on the open front deck. The trained crew had to use barge poles to poke the boat away from the bank.

Then it was my go. 

The skipper explained that if you want the boat to go left, you push the tiller to the right. If you want to go right, you push left. I quickly learned that if you want the boat to go in a straight line, don't imagine for a second that you only need to keep the tiller still, as even the smoothest-looking canal has a current, and every breeze pushes at the boat and moves it sideways just enough to mean you have to constantly adjust the tiller and keep a sharp eye on the front of the boat to check its direction. 

I did not crash. I did send the boat on a merry zig-zag through the olive green waters until I go the feel of how quickly the tiller responded. It took a lot of consentration, but I sailed us past other peoples' boats without bumping into anything. Having said that, this was a fairly straight section of canal with no narrow bridges or locks to contend with. The skipper asked me if I was sure if I'd never done this before. I really, really hadn't. Maybe he was just being kind.

Would I try it again? Yes! It was great fun.

And many thanks to the Wirral Canal Boat Trust for a fabulous day for all of us.