This advert (reproduced word-for-word here) might appeal:-
"Stay at our hotel for a 7 day holiday you will receive: GLASS OF WINE WITH EVENING MEAL EACH DAY, FREE PACKED LUNCH, WHICH INCLUDES CRISPS, BISCUITS, DRINK, PIECE OF FRUIT AND A SAUSAGE ROLL (sandwich option extra cost of £1.80) 1 NEWSPAPER (PER ROOM). HAPPY HOUR TWICE A WEEK 9-10pm ALL HALF PRICE. Our famous 5 Course Hot Buffet, Good food with En-suite, Colour TV, Telephone Dancing, and Entertainment each night.”
I wonder how telephone dancing works? Is it a bit like telephone sex, in that you don’t actually do anything but talk about it? Picture the scene, with some weary holiday-maker perched on the edge of their hotel bed, furtively whispering into the handset: “I’m waving my arms now. Ooow, and just look at those tapping toes, and that dodgy wiggly-shuffle thingy that I always do….”
Who checks to make sure guests only have “1 NEWSPAPER PER ROOM”? What happens if you sneak in another, or – oow, the thrill – several of ‘em!
I find the promised “Good food with En-suite” to be somewhat disconcerting, too...
"Stay at our hotel for a 7 day holiday you will receive: GLASS OF WINE WITH EVENING MEAL EACH DAY, FREE PACKED LUNCH, WHICH INCLUDES CRISPS, BISCUITS, DRINK, PIECE OF FRUIT AND A SAUSAGE ROLL (sandwich option extra cost of £1.80) 1 NEWSPAPER (PER ROOM). HAPPY HOUR TWICE A WEEK 9-10pm ALL HALF PRICE. Our famous 5 Course Hot Buffet, Good food with En-suite, Colour TV, Telephone Dancing, and Entertainment each night.”
I wonder how telephone dancing works? Is it a bit like telephone sex, in that you don’t actually do anything but talk about it? Picture the scene, with some weary holiday-maker perched on the edge of their hotel bed, furtively whispering into the handset: “I’m waving my arms now. Ooow, and just look at those tapping toes, and that dodgy wiggly-shuffle thingy that I always do….”
Who checks to make sure guests only have “1 NEWSPAPER PER ROOM”? What happens if you sneak in another, or – oow, the thrill – several of ‘em!
I find the promised “Good food with En-suite” to be somewhat disconcerting, too...
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